Bonsai Boys and the Big Impossible
Do you remember the film Dances with Wolves?
It not only introduced Kevin Costner to the masses, but it also gave us a glimpse into the fascinating world of the indigenous peoples of North America, particularly the Lakota tribe from the central plains. The Lakota tribe have a descriptive term for adolescence: "The Big Impossible". It is an apt name as the goal of manhood can be seen out of reach when in a boy is embroiled in the midst of adolescence.
Often, boys in the modern age are tossed about in the deep turbulent waters of adolescence, vulnerable to the powerful crosscurrents of media pressure and cultural upheaval. Frequently, a boy's only companions on this journey are his peers who are as frightened and inexperienced has he is.
We can learn from the Lakota tribe. Becoming a man is a great challenge and deserves the engagement of caring adults.
That is why I researched and wrote about Puberty Rites of Passage (PROPs) and the role they play in helping a boy become a man, in my book Boys Becomong Men: Creating Rites of Passage.
Even though the concept is an ancient one, the term "puberty rite of passage" was introduced by anthropologist Arnold van Gennep in 1908. In his book published that year called Rites of Passage he described three stages of a puberty rite of passage
- Separation (old status)
- Liminality (no clear cut status: "betwixt and between")
- Incorporation (new status)
This got me thinking many years ago as I was raising two boys of my own. Could it be that rather than "propping" up our boys during the intense years of adolescence, I could potentially be guilty of restraining their development and tying them down?
This question came to me following an afternoon bike ride with a friend who was interested in bonsai trees.
He explained how the bonsai tree is prevented from maturing naturally. By using high tension wires and string, the gardener forces the tree to submit, retarding its growth, with the end result being a small, odd-looking tree. The tree is beautiful, but its attractiveness is partly because of the freakishness of its size.
Bonsai is an art form, where the artist/gardener has full control over a living organism. He/she seeks to produce a tree that will arouse curiosity and interest.
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